Unavoidable, Alcohol (9)
And so, Edele-san did it again.
Yeah, seriously, she’s ridiculously strong when it comes to this sort of thing—what you might call interpersonal combat tactics, or rather, non-violent battles.
First off, she said, “We’ve prepared everything necessary for the ritual,” and showed them a huge crystal. Right then, the church people’s eyes changed color.
They were probably thinking, Soon enough, this crystal—and the dungeon producing it—will belong to us as well.
… Then, right in front of those quietly gloating church folks, she served drinks in crystal cups carved from the very same crystal. The drink was that “200% Deliciousness Boost Brandy-Imitation Clear Type.”
The church people were thrilled by the crystal cups. They were designed to resemble the famous “Jewel Fruit” motif, which was apparently quite popular even in the Church, and cut in a faceted, glass-like pattern. Naturally, it looked stunning—and they were ecstatic. “To think you could craft such fine artistry!” they said, delighted.
… And while they were so mesmerized by the gleam of the cups, the fermented grape aroma and the refreshing scent of barrel wood covered up the intense ethanol stench.
Yes. This deception—that’s what makes alcohol “easy to drink,” I realized.
Moreover, the “200% Deliciousness Boost Brandy-Imitation Clear Type” had been sweetened to make it even smoother.
Alcohol generally has a bitter taste from the ethanol, but here it was perfectly masked. The flavor, the aroma—everything was disguised. What they drank was an ultra-smooth liquor that slipped down their throats without the slightest suspicion or caution.
… And that’s where Edele-san’s brilliance truly shone.
She led the church members, all slightly tipsy by now, to the newly built banquet hall—the one constructed specifically for village gatherings. Everyone was in high spirits.
The banquet hall, with its beautiful crystal windows, only lifted their mood even further.
And then—
Saying, “We weren’t sure what kind of meal would be appropriate to serve to guests of the Church, so we prepared a bit of everything. Please forgive us if anything offends,” she hosted a grand feast with the village’s finest vegetables, fresh eggs, and meat purchased from a nearby town.
For drinks, there was water and alcohol… Yes. Just two options—water or alcohol.
This time’s alcohol was, of course, the “200% Deliciousness Boost Brandy-Imitation Clear Type.” A clear type. Which means—it looked exactly like water!
… Of course, this wasn’t meant to trick anyone into drinking alcohol thinking it was water. Edele-san properly said, “This one’s water, and this one’s alcohol,” placing two differently designed pitchers on the table so they could tell which was which.
However—once poured into a glass, there was no telling which was which anymore! Which meant the churchmen could drink freely, pretending, “Oh, this is just water…” without fear of judgment from their peers!
And while Edele-san and the other ladies serving drinks never mixed them up, the churchmen were different. They poured their own drinks, and when they grabbed the wrong pitcher, they could just say, “Ah, I made a mistake!” or “I forgot which one was water!”—thus guiltlessly drinking to their hearts’ content!
… And anyway, this liquor was good. Seriously good. Even Lisas-san had passed out after saying, “It’s just a tasting sample, don’t force yourself,” during trials. And this was the double-flavor-strength version—of course it was delicious!
And so—
“Oh my, gentlemen, perhaps you’ve had quite enough for now?”
While Edele-san smiled, looking slightly troubled, the churchmen were magnificently passed out drunk.
I think their downfall came from many causes. One was definitely that the liquor was strong, smooth, and dangerously tasty—no doubt about that.
But it wasn’t just the drink.
Watching them, I couldn’t help but think… these churchmen probably drink a lot, normally.
They showed no hesitation drinking. Someone who doesn’t drink would be more cautious. Their attitude screamed, “Yeah, I can handle this strength if I pace myself like usual.” Overconfidence—that’s what did them in.
And since this “200% Deliciousness Boost Brandy-Imitation Clear Type” didn’t match that usual expectation between smoothness and alcohol content, that overconfidence became fatal.
Plus, they’d already had some alcohol during the earlier ritual, which probably loosened them up. A little drunk, a little arrogant—their true selves came out.
Well… yeah. It’s normal for people to get cocky, bossy, or overly confident after drinking. Happens all the time. But still—moderation is important.
Especially when you’ve got people watching who absolutely shouldn’t see you like that. Seriously.
“Hey! We’re out of drinks! Bring more, quickly!”
One of the churchmen snatched a bottle from one of the serving ladies. She stumbled, tumbling toward another priest—and that’s where the commotion began.
“Oh-ho, what’s this? Quite the forward woman, aren’t you? Disgraceful… Come now, let me see your face.”
… I was standing by in another room at the time, but with my remote view still fixed on the banquet hall, I gave the signal to the others waiting beside me: GO!
“Hmph… Yes, you there, you’ll assist me with my bath.”
“I-I must decline…”
“What nonsense! A woman who pretends to stumble into a man surely needs purification! Do not defy the will of God!”
Even as I watched, the churchmen were already going off the rails!
No, seriously, I didn’t see this coming. If I’d known it would go this far, I’d have let the male adventurers serve instead! You know, that overenthusiastic guy who kept saying, “Let me handle it, I’m ready!”—he had nothing to do this time!
“Come, over here!”
“P-please, help me! Help!”
The woman ran off in panic, and though the drunk couldn’t keep up, others started crowding around Edele-san as she stepped in to shield her.
“How insolent! We offer you God’s blessing, and this is how you behave!?”
“These women have no respect!”
“More wine! Bring more wine!”
And just as one of them reached toward Edele-san—
“What’s this commotion!?”
BAM! The door flew open, and in came Princess Laperesiana and her merry companions!
“… What is the meaning of this?”
Her arrival instantly sobered the churchmen. Faces went pale in seconds.
Soon after, the merry companions—Lisas-san, the village representative, and several of Laperesiana’s knights—marched in.
And then came a few people who looked like palace officials, grimacing and whispering, “This is terrible…”
Then—
“… How disgraceful.”
Princess Laperesiana sighed, her gaze dropping to subzero.
“For holy men to drink like this, to lay hands upon women… utterly shameful. Well then—how will you justify yourselves as servants of God?”
Her icy glare swept across them, and the churchmen muttered among themselves before one shouted—
“We were deceived! They made us drink alcohol disguised as water! This is a plot of the villagers!”
To that, Edele-san and the others protested, “That’s terrible! What a false accusation!” And indeed—it was flawless on their side. The churchmen had done this to themselves.
“Oh? Then you’re saying you couldn’t tell water from alcohol even after drinking so much of it? I find that hard to believe.”
“But, Your Highness, serving wine instead of water to servants of God clearly shows malicious intent!”
“As far as I recall, the scriptures only say to refrain from excessive drinking. I’ve never read that alcohol itself was forbidden. In that case, the villagers’ hospitality bears no sin. If there is sin, it lies with those who lack restraint, wouldn’t you say?”
… So Princess Laperesiana had studied their religion properly. Well, it is the state religion, and she is royalty.
“Besides, Your Highness, we did not lay hands upon women. We merely spoke with them.”
“Is that so? But do you think the villagers would see it that way?”
Princess Laperesiana looked to Edele-san and the others, who all shook their heads in perfect unison—a flawless statement.
“Wha—! Your Highness! Their attitude speaks for itself! Even now, these insolent women conspire to defame us—!”
They tried to argue back—but it was pointless.
After all, this building had lots of windows… and thanks to their drunken orders of “It’s too hot, open the windows!” everything had been wide open.
Meaning—the voices inside were heard clearly outside.
“… To think you’d say such things.”
Princess Laperesiana sighed again, glaring coldly at them.
“Even from outside, we heard the cries for help—and your ugly voices.”
The churchmen gasped, “They heard us!?” But come on—you’re the ones who opened the windows.
And then—
“If that was a sermon, then your so-called divine teachings have no worth.”
With those words, the churchmen were left speechless.
“We—we excommunicate you!”
But after a moment, one of them snapped and shouted,
“Third Princess Laperesiana! Your words are blasphemous and disrespectful toward God! Such insolence cannot be tolerated!”
The others joined in, yelling “That’s right! That’s right!”
To which she roared back—
“Gladly!!”
Her voice, sharp with fury, silenced them all.
“If God’s messengers are corrupt scum such as you, then I have no need to obey your god! As a member of the royal family—as one who must be righteous before her people—I renounce your so-called divine teachings!”
… Look at that. The churchmen were frozen, dumbfounded—like, “Wait, we used our ultimate move, but the opponent took no damage!?”
“And furthermore,” she said with a smirk,
“You’ve excommunicated me. Then I, as royalty, will exile you from this kingdom.”
“I am cast from your so-called garden of God. You are cast from the realm ruled by the King. A fair trade, don’t you think?”
… At that, the churchmen finally realized they’d crossed the line—far too late.
But it was already over. Too late indeed.
What do you think about this chapter?
You reap what you sow 😈😈😈