Unavoidable, Alcohol (8)
And so, I set out to improve brandy.
… If possible, I’d really like to compare the components of aged brandy and unaged brandy, but the thing is—aged brandy doesn’t even exist in this world yet. We’re the very first. The pioneers. Lucky us.
Which means, there’s nothing to compare it with. And that makes it hard to use my dungeon’s “decompose, absorb, and reconstruct” power to simulate the effects of aging.
… But giving up here would go against my pride as a modern Japanese man who’s completed higher education. Well, okay, I’m still in the middle of my bachelor’s program, so I can’t brag too much, but you get the point.
So, even though there’s nothing to compare with… I’ll start by analyzing the brandy’s components.
Then I’ll experiment and tweak things like, “Wouldn’t this taste smoother and better if I changed that?”
“You mean we get to drink lots of liquor!? Yay! I’m so excited—Asuma-sama, count me in!”
… Well, the fact that my taste tester absolutely can’t get drunk is, honestly, a huge blessing. All right, let’s do this! De-de-de-de-de-de! Clang!
“First off, the appearance is kinda… yeah.”
Okay.
The first thing that stands out is the color of freshly made brandy.
“It’s transparent! So sparkly and pretty!”
“Yeah. …But what I really want is that amber color.”
“Wait, really!?”
Well, yeah. Of course it’s colorless. Completely colorless. Freshly made brandy is colorless!
Naturally—it’s a distilled liquor. Anything that could add color gets stripped away in the distillation process.
Which means the color must develop later, when the brandy’s stored in barrels during aging. Yep… that makes sense.
“If there were proteins, I’d think it’s a Maillard reaction, and if there were sugars, maybe caramelization… but this is distilled liquor, right?”
“You’re saying weird stuff again, Asuma-sama…”
Yeah, I know. It is complicated.
Honestly, I’ve got no clue why it browns. My knowledge isn’t enough! Not enough, dammit! I wish I’d absorbed a high school chemistry textbook instead of a TOEIC prep book! Aaaagh!
“Uh, maybe it takes on the color of the barrel wood while it’s stored? If that’s the case, oak or ash would be good. Personally, I’d go for fir or pine, but those might be too strong for humans, huh?”
“Barrels!? That’s it! Barrels!!”
As expected of the forestfolk—Mishisia-san!
Of course! The color doesn’t come from oxidation or evaporation alone—it’s from the wooden barrel! Thank you, Mishisia-san!
So, with her help, I went around the mountain behind Panis Village. She gave me advice like, “This wood seems nice,” and “That one could be interesting,” and we gathered some lumber. Thanks, forestfolk!
Then I compared the freshly cut wood to wood already used in crafts and removed some of the moisture and volatile compounds. Comparisons make life so much easier.
After that, I built barrels out of the wood—by absorbing and analyzing an actual wine barrel, then reconstructing one the same way.
Next, I checked the wood’s water-soluble and volatile components.
Then, I analyzed the freshly made brandy too.
“Whoa… so it actually contains ketones… and acetone too, huh? Could I make tear gas from this? Nah, that’d be super inefficient…”
“Asuma-sama, are you okay? Hey, are you okay?”
“Ethanol becomes acetaldehyde, right? So acetic acid should increase too…”
“Asuma-sama? Hellooo? Asuma-sama?”
“I think some kind of phenol and some kind of acid combine… Oh! Ethyl acetate! There you are! Butyric acid ethyl ester—you too! That means the more ethyl esters, the stronger the aroma, right!? So they must increase? Or maybe just get concentrated when other stuff evaporates!?”
“Nope, he’s gone. I’ll go call Edele-san!”
“Ahhh! There are sugars in the wood! You guys are the culprits! You’re the reason for the browning!”
… And so.
While I was completely absorbed in my analysis, Mishisia-san summoned Edele-san.
Wrapped in a towel blanket, held to her chest, gently rocked back and forth—I was put to sleep.
Just when it was getting good!
… A few days later.
“Waaah… this is so good…!”
When Mishisia-san tasted the “pseudo-aged brandy,” her eyes sparkled.
“The harshness is gone, the aroma’s rich—it’s so smooth! It’s so smooth, Asuma-sama!”
“That’s great. Lisas-san, what do you think?”
“Yeah… it’s definitely easier to drink than before. No doubt about it. This’ll work.”
With Lisas-san’s seal of approval, I think we’re good. Mission accomplished! I don’t know if it’s technically correct, but I managed to make “a high-proof, mellow, aromatic, delicious liquor”! Totally worth the effort!
“Well, the alcohol content dropped though. This one’s only about twice as strong as wine.”
Yeah, it’s easier to drink—because the proof dropped.
Even at nineteen, I know the basics: wine’s around 12% alcohol, while brandy or whiskey’s around 40%.
And since aging would naturally evaporate volatile ethanol, I figured the “aged brandy-like thing” we’ve got here would be about 25%—a pretty weak brandy.
So, really… it should’ve started stronger before aging.
“I think before aging, we should probably distill it two or three times. Get it up to about 70% alcohol.”
“What…”
Yeah, right now we only distilled it once—from wine to brandy. But I’m guessing normally, you’d distill it again—maybe even a third time. Probably.
“But even now, it’s stronger than wine, right? It doesn’t feel that strong though. It’s super easy to drink. I bet we could make it even stronger!”
Sure, Mishisia-san says that—but she can drink ethanol straight. Not exactly the best reference point.
“Well… yeah. The nose isn’t as sharp, so it goes down smooth. I think it could be a little stronger, honestly.”
Wait, even Lisas-san says that? So it’s fine? Really!?
“Sorry to keep you waiting. Here’s the increased-ethanol version.”
So I used reconstruction magic to increase the ethanol molecules—40% alcohol, a standard brandy.
“… Yeah, a little strong, but totally drinkable. Maybe I’ve just gotten used to hard liquor…”
“Ahh, yeah, you get used to it. Mmm, tasty!”
Judging by Lisas-san’s reaction, this one’s good too. Though yeah, experience matters. Maybe we should serve the weaker one to the church folks first…
“… Now then, this is where the real modification begins.”
Alright.
We’ve worked hard to get this far, but that was all just the prologue.
This is the real “modification”—time to use fantasy power to create the ultimate liquor!
“Now we infuse it… with that special fantasy energy…!”
The “deliciousness magic” discovered from the Generic-kun experiments! What happens when you pour that into brandy!? I’m so pumped right now!
“Let’s not put this one on the market.”
“Yeah. It’s too good, Asuma-sama… I want another cup! Please!”
“No! Absolutely not!”
… Long story short, Lisas-san got completely smashed. He’s out cold on the floor. Meanwhile, unkillable Mishisia-san’s chanting “One more! One more!” Nope! None for you!
When I refused, she said, “Then I’ll drink this one!” and grabbed the tomato-infused brandy we made yesterday. “It’s delicious!” she said. Good for her.
Anyway—what we ended up with was a dangerously good, way-too-drinkable kind of liquor. My gut and reason both tell me this should never go on sale.
“If even Lisas-san gets wasted, this has serious potential.”
But on the flip side, that means this “brandy-like drink” is powerful enough to get anyone drunk. Even the Church folks.
“If we serve this, the priests will totally get hammered!”
“No, we’re not serving this one.”
… Because I’ve got a plan.
“We’re serving the ‘deliciousness magic 200% extra’ version!”
When I decide to take something down, I make sure it goes down. That’s how I do things!
And so—
“Welcome. We’ve been expecting you.”
Finally, the day arrived.
The Church delegation was here.
“Hmm… I hear this village is infested with heresy. We shall inspect it thoroughly.”
“Please do. We’d love for you to see this ‘heresy’ for yourself.”
Watching Edele-san take them head-on—cool, calm, and unflinching—was enough to make me swoon a little.
Meanwhile, I worked quietly behind the scenes, preparing our masterpiece.
What I had ready was a colorless, transparent “purification liquor,” made from the super-delicious brandy with only its color compounds removed!
Apparently, they use alcohol in their rituals. So basically—they drink legally! Hypocrites! Fine then, I’ll use that loophole to get them absolutely smashed! Hyahaa!
What do you think about this chapter?
