Chapter 20

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The problem that I put off on the previous notice has returned, I’m really worried.
…… At the very least I should lighten up my expression, but I am not able to.

Anyway, I’ve confirmed the terrain and came to understand the strength of monsters to some extent now, therefore, I have decided to return to the labyrinth.
Before meeting with Neesan who should be waiting for me at the entrance, my sunken expression will hopefully return to normal.
Because I don’t want to needlessly worry her.
I’m possessing a body that doesn’t need to breathe, but because of my habit in the living era, I sigh deeply while walking down the staircase.

Two seconds after meeting Neesan, she told me that I was acting weird.
How can she tell? No, really, how did she find out?
I unconsciously asked the same thing twice. It was just that unexpected.
Neesan fixed her eyes on me and was staring at me deeply with her ruby pupils.

Please don’t look at me with such eyes. It makes me feel like I’ve sinned instead.

I went as far as not using honorifics, but it didn’t stop Neesan’s staring.
Come to think of it, Vampires dislike lies and secrets, right?
No, was it Oni? But, the name Vampire is derived from Oni. (Shin: 吸血 Vampire; Oni)
But either way, it seems I will be stared at until I speak the truth.
…… But I won’t speak.
Indeed, this is a problem I should solve myself.

She made me talk.
It’s certain that I was pretending to be tough while feeling depressed, moreover, to think Neesan had such a strong measure.
While trying to deceive her and escape, her mantle transformed into countless bats and captured me.
So the bats were produced in such a way……
She dragged me to her room and confined me until I was ready to talk.
Because I couldn’t think of it as a simple joke, I started talking. I couldn’t help but start talking.

I couldn’t kill a pseudo-human.
I avoided it after injuring it.

Although she is broadly similar to pseudo-humans, it may be difficult for a monster like Neesan to understand.
In fact, she tilts her head in confusion. Because around here, the basic sense of value is different, there’s no helping it.
I was originally a human. Therefore, I’m unable to kill something of the same shape without hesitation.
When I tell her that, she tilts her head to the side again.
This…… I said it plainly.

Then, it would be all right if you just don’t kill them.

There is no rule anywhere saying that you are required to kill everything weaker than you.
There’s no merit to killing on a whim.
That way, you don’t have to kill as much as you like.
Neesan said.

The strong have the privilege to decide between life and death of the weaker ones.
If you don’t want to kill it, choose a different prey.
You have enough strength to be somewhat picky, and in the future, you will be even stronger, she said.

Honestly, it was shocking.
It was obviously a theory of the strong. The weak wouldn’t tolerate such a theory.
I also thought it was an opinion of someone who can trample over anything.
However, at the same time, just a little.
It was just a little, but I felt like I was saved.

Certainly, Neesan’s words may sound selfish, absurd and they definitely don’t solve all of my problems.
And I’m sure that this person doesn’t understand why I can’t kill pseudo-humans with my own hands at all.

But, there’s no mistaking that it solves one of my problems.
For the purpose of my goal, I have taken many lives, and somewhere deep down I was searching for my “Righteousness”.
If you take, I will also equally take. No discrimination.
There surely was such thought.
Not for anyone else, I wanted my own little more forgiving rule for myself.
I’m hesitant to kill pseudo-humans. If I don’t kill I won’t be able to show my equality.
I probably thought something so ridiculous.

….. Ah.
I’m glad I was able to encounter a pseudo-human at this time.
If I had met them later when I’m more accustomed to this world.
I would probably kill pseudo-humans while misunderstanding that my equality is the most correct, immersed in a cheap satisfaction.
Something like that must not happen.

I’m still not determined.
I will avoid killing those with a human shape.

I will fight while having mixed feelings.
But, I intend to carry such thoughts for a while.
You should carry them when you have to.
While I’m carrying them, I will not be able to kill pseudo-humans.
But, that’s fine.
If I throw them away so easily, I won’t be ‘former human’ anymore.
I won’t be able to regain a warm body with a frozen heart.

Carry on, carry on, carry on to the end.
And I will be able to find the answer.
That’s surely it, is what I thought.

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