That’s Just How This Dungeon Is*2
… Anyway.
“Um, then, I’ll ask my slimes to look for your equipment, okay?”
“A-ah… please do.”
And so, as “the boy who commands slimes,” I began negotiating with the Nearly-Naked Order of Holy Knights.
“Since it’s the first time, I’ll make the fee cheap.”
“You’re charging us…?”
“Of course I am, what’re you even saying…”
And with that, I explained that they could deposit the payment at the dungeon entrance reception by a certain date, drew up a proper contract, and successfully sealed the deal.
Edele-san prepared the paperwork for me. Thanks, Edele-san!
“But still… what’s with that ridiculously huge slime?”
“Eh? Oh, yeah, that thing just kinda grew big while I was letting it roam free. Not really sure why, but hey, they say the bigger the better, right?”
“I-I see…?”
And so, this ridiculously huge slime was now going to work as a “rescue squad member inside the dungeon.”
I may be the dungeon’s master, but if I go around declaring “I’m the Dungeon Master!” that’s obviously gonna cause all sorts of problems.
But that also makes it tricky to connect the village and the dungeon—like this time, with the whole “how do we conveniently return the intruders’ belongings” issue.
However! The misunderstanding the adventurer guys had about me turns out to be pretty handy here.
Yep. Apparently, I’m… a “monster tamer who commands over a hundred slimes”!
At the time I just went, “Oh, so that’s what they’re thinking, huh,” but when I thought about it later, it actually wasn’t a bad setup. So I asked Lisas and Mishisia about it.
Turns out, there really are such things as “monster tamers” in this fantasy world. Not many, but they exist.
And as it happens, slimes are born from the dungeon’s mana, and since I’m the dungeon’s master… they kinda listen to what I say. Well, only kinda. It depends on their mood, honestly. I mean, come on—what kind of monsters obey their master depending on their mood…?
But apparently that’s just how slimes are, so fine. And folks say, “Well, if you’ve got over a hundred monsters under you, of course they’ll be moody,” so it seems there’s no problem with me calling myself a “monster tamer who specializes in slimes.”
So I decided that, together with “Lisas, the guardian who occasionally patrols the dungeon near the village and performs rescue work,” I’d operate as a “monster tamer who uses slimes for dungeon-related support services.”
Kind of like a “secret identity.” Not that it’s all that secret, thanks to the gigantic slime that stands out like a sore thumb.
Still, this gives me a sort of cover identity to get by in this world.
… I do feel like they’ve got some weird misconceptions about me, though. Like, they might be thinking I’m “some noble young master” or something. But hey, that just adds another layer of cover. I’ll take it.
So, I immediately asked the slimes, “Alright, could you go into the cave for a bit?”
The team consisted of one giant slime and a few regular ones—about knee-high on an elementary schooler.
I gave them some fertilizer as payment, then sent them off with a “Go on, off you go!” into the cave. The idea was to have the other adventurers see them exploring and think, “Whoa, slimes are investigating the dungeon…”
They’ll probably come back by tomorrow morning. Those guys never miss feeding time…
Once they’re back, I’ll have them hand over some of the armor and swords I’ve got stashed. They can bring those out, and I’ll tell the knights, “Hey, my slimes found your stuff!”
However—
“Don’t think I’m giving it back for free…!”
Truth is, I didn’t really want to return their armor and swords.
Why? Because they’re made with all sorts of rare elements!
First off, both the armor and sword have gold decorations. Not pure gold, obviously—looks like it’s alloyed with silver. Otherwise you couldn’t use it for armor parts.
Anyway, it’s gold. And silver. Super useful stuff!
Just off the top of my head—gold can be used for coloring glass, as a catalyst, and for mirrors.
Gold and silver have high reflectivity, great for bending light. If I ever wanna make something like a laser in the future, I’ll definitely need that stuff.
And, well… even if I don’t, gold and silver are just plain valuable. “Shiny!” is easy to understand value.
So yeah, I want them. I want gold and silver.
But if I strip the decorations completely, that’ll obviously be suspicious… So I decided to shave off the thinnest possible layer, just enough to stash away the difference for myself.
That way I get less material, sure—but it’s better than returning everything.
Besides gold and silver, the armor and sword also had some other elements I wanted.
For instance, the armor’s surface was all bright and shiny—probably coated with lead or something similar. Great. I’ll have the slimes scrape off a bit of that too.
The armor and sword cores were steel, so I took some samples to analyze: “So this is what steel’s like in this world, huh.”
You know, depending on what you mix into iron, its properties change a lot—and I’d been curious about that. And since this armor belonged to holy knights, it’s top-quality stuff, meaning this world’s best steel.
“Hmm…? There’s silver in here? And gold? If they added a little more chromium it’d resist rust better… huh? The mana output when breaking this down is kinda high, isn’t it? What the heck is this…”
… Yeah, the alloy was some fantasy nonsense. I’ll analyze it properly later.
Next, the sword. I was curious not only about the materials, but also the craftsmanship.
Lisas carries a sword too, so I had a reference—but this was my first time actually absorbing and analyzing one directly.
“… Double-edged, straight blade, pretty thick, looks like it was forged by hammering steel directly—a textbook longsword. Hand-forged too, probably one of a kind. No wonder they want it back.”
I reconstituted the sword exactly as I’d absorbed it, so the knights shouldn’t complain.
Then I realized, “Armor parts look mass-producible, so if a few bits go missing, no one’ll notice…” So yeah, I decided to quietly keep a few—like one shoulder plate, one gauntlet, that sort of thing. Thanks for the materials, fellas.
“I wonder if this world has Japanese swords…? Maybe they exist but aren’t practical here…”
The sword study made me think about a lot of stuff.
This world’s fantasy, right? So probably, if you go all “FANTASY POWER! HAAA!” the cutting power just skyrockets or something.
In that case, a heavy, half-bludgeon kind of sword might actually be better than a super-sharp one.
“Deep… truly deep…”
… Come on, all guys love this kind of thing, right? Of course we do.
“Some chips in the blade would be realistic enough… might as well take a bit of the sword material too…”
So yeah, forgive me my little material theft. Do it for the slimes.
And then—next morning, after the slimes finished their cave stroll—
“Hey, good job, you guys!”
Mochi-mochi, the slimes came back from the cave, lining up among the vegetable slimes for feeding time. Crafty little things…
“Yup, you brought the stuff back properly. Good work.”
Since I’ll be relying on them a lot, I gave them plenty of fertilizer and water. I don’t even use watering cans anymore—made a hose with dungeon power to spray them all at once.
I mean, there’s just too many of them now. Watering can’t keep up.
“Huh? You picked up jewels too? You sneaky little things… I’m confiscating those. Not giving them to the knights.”
When I checked on them, some slimes had found gems in the dungeon. So, it was confiscated. I reached into one slime and squished around to pull them out.
Some slimes stretched out all “U-niiii~” trying not to let go, but I showed no mercy. Once taken, they gave up quick and waddled back into line.
… Do slimes eat gems, I wonder? Probably not… right?
“Well then… guess I’ll return what we recovered to the Nearly-Naked Squad…”
After feeding time, I took a few slimes carrying armor parts or swords inside their bodies—and the giant slime, who had way more than all the rest combined—and we all mochi-mochi marched to the jail.
Met up with Lisas on the way (as guardian/escort), making the line even longer, and then—
“Hey guys, my slimes found some of your stuff!”
“O-oh, really!?”
As we entered the hallway in front of the cells, we were greeted by cheers from behind the iron bars. Felt kinda nice.
“Here you go. Check it over.”
“Ahh… it’s all here! Praise be to the Lord…!”
“Hey, thank the slimes first. They’re the ones who found it.”
The knights were so grateful they prayed to God first, then turned to the slimes and sincerely said, “Thank you…!” Honestly, didn’t think that’d work, but it did. The slimes even looked proud—well, maybe.
“H-hey, kid! Specifically, where in the dungeon did they find it!?”
“Eh? No idea. They just wandered around and picked it up, that’s all.”
Since the slimes were doing the returning, I could dodge all those questions. Handy, right?
“Damn… then we’ll have to give up on the rest of our gear…”
“Ahh, well, slimes are fickle. Want me to let them wander again for a few more days? They might find more. I’ll charge extra, though.”
And with that, I could use the slimes’ fickleness as an excuse to squeeze out some extra fees. Handy, handy.
In the end, over the course of three days, the slimes returned most of the knights’ gear.
Of course, a few scabbards and armor parts stayed with me. Fair trade.
The knights seemed to realize this was as good as it gets. They were probably tired of living half-naked in that cell anyway—and more than that, Edele’s “Are you still here…?” look must’ve been the final blow. So they finally left.
“Well then, please do uphold your end of the contract.”
“Y-yeah… You do the same.”
“Of course. As long as our village isn’t threatened, we won’t pursue the matter further.”
Edele firmly made her point, and the knights withdrew in order.
… Hopefully that means the Church will keep quiet for a while.
“By the way, Asuma-sama… was it really fine just to return their armor and swords? I mean…”
“Eh? Ah, yeah. They don’t really need their clothes anymore, do they…”
… The knights were still basically in their underwear under that armor, but they’ll be fine. Yeah. Let’s just say they’ll be fine.
What do you think about this chapter?
