Slime Goodwill Ambassador*5
Hydrogen cyanide is, well, a poison. A nasty one that can be absorbed through the skin, too. The really bad kind. I’ll spare you the details.
Anyway, the specifics of its toxicity don’t matter right now. As long as you understand that it’s a poison with properties like: “Liquid at room temperature, but fairly volatile. When it vaporizes, it’s lighter than air. If you breathe it in, you die pretty easily. Even if you don’t breathe it in, just being exposed to it can still kill you,” that’s enough.
As for handling procedures, well, anyone who walks the path of science already knows them, so we’ll gloss over that part...
“For now, since it’s bad news if you inhale it or get exposed to it, everyone, please don’t take off your gas masks. I did install a return vent near the ceiling before the hose outlet, so I’m not expecting gas to leak everywhere, but still, assume you’ll die if you touch it...”
“W-what sort of thing are you using!? You’re spreading something like that in the forest...!”
“Ah, it’s fine, it’s fine. We can neutralize it properly.”
The elves were extremely worried, “You spread such a poisonous substance inside the forest, even if it’s inside a dungeon!?”—but relax. And don’t take off your gas masks. Don’t take them off. Don’t take them off, I’m telling you! You’ll die!
So, everyone properly equipped their gas masks. Shhk, shhk.
“... And just what do you mean by ‘it’s fine’?”
The elf leader looked deeply uneasy with the unfamiliar gas mask, so I nodded firmly.
“This gas will be properly broken down. It changes into harmless substances, so as long as we ventilate properly, it won’t affect the forest.”
Hydrogen cyanide breaks down into hydrogen, nitrogen, and carbon dioxide. With those, well, unless you’re inhaling extremely high concentrations of them individually, there’s no problem. Ventilate a bit and they’ll disperse, and even if they didn’t, there’s no way they’d have a negative impact on the forest.
“I-I see... you’ve thought it through that far.”
“Yeah. I made sure to bring substances that won’t affect future generations!”
The elves looked confused, like, We don’t really get it, but apparently that’s how it is. Well, you guys aren’t walking the path of science... This stuff’s hard for fantasy folks, and if you can’t understand it, of course it’s scary. I get it, I get it. When it comes to fantasy, I’m more scared of how unreasonable it is, myself.
Now then. As hydrogen cyanide was being pumped aggressively through the hose shoved into the dungeon entrance, we could hear something like “Gyaaaooooh!”—a dragon’s roar, coming from deep inside the dungeon. Looks like it’s working. Good, good.
Seeing this, the elves finally seemed to understand, thinking, Maybe this really can clear the dungeon... Well, just sticking a hose a little way in and pouring something in while waiting at the entrance, and that alone taking down dragons, it probably does feel pretty strange.
“... I can feel the mana inside the dungeon decreasing.”
“So that means the dragons are dying?”
“Probably.”
The elf who could use interference magic, that is, the slime-loving big sister, held her staff and wore a solemn expression. Apparently, she could somewhat sense the atmosphere inside the dungeon. Seriously? That’s amazing. Fantasy is wild.
And as if to reinforce her words, another “Gugyaaaaoh!” echoed from deep within the dungeon. We could also hear heavy crashing sounds, like something thrashing about. It was impressive, but since it was all happening far away, we were watching with relaxed expressions.
“I-I see... it certainly does seem to be a terrifying poison.”
Even the loudmouth bow elf looked properly shaken by this sight. Well? Scared now? This is science!
“So then, how will you neutralize that poison?”
But then, the quieter bow elf suddenly asked that.
“You’re not saying it just becomes harmless if you leave it alone, are you?”
“Hm? Well, I mean, in a sense, if you leave it alone, it’ll probably neutralize itself, but...”
Thinking, That’s what you’re curious about?, I judged, It’s about time. I stopped the injection of hydrogen cyanide and retrieved the hose. The elves watched this with puzzled expressions, “Why are you pulling it back...?”—but this part is important.
… And then.
“Uh, let’s put a little distance between us... Ah, if possible, I’d like you to collapse and seal off the dungeon entrance.”
“W-why!? Hey, explain yourself!”
“There might not be time to explain... Ah, back up, back up. Okay, tanker truck gets priority, fall back, fall back, fall back!”
The elves were bewildered, but I chased them away shouting, “Run, run!” and moved us away from the dungeon entrance.
… And then.
Boom, a heavy explosion echoed, and the dungeon entrance was blown apart.
I dropped flat to the ground. As soon as I did, Lisas-san rushed over and raised his shield to protect me. Mishisia-san also moved behind Lisas-san with me. Much appreciated!
… While we were doing that, there was another explosion. Rubble flew out from the dungeon entrance. Small stone-like fragments clinked against Lisas-san’s shield and bounced off. The elves each seemed to deal with it using fantasy power or something. Must be nice.
“What was that!?”
“Ah, probably the hydrogen cyanide ignited inside the dungeon.”
Since the elves were in chaos, I explained it to them. Please calm down and listen. This is working as intended.
“... Huh?”
“Well, I mean, it’s an underground dungeon full of monsters that breathe fire, right? So then, naturally...”
When I explained it like that, the elves stared blankly again.
“Th-the substance you poured in was poison, wasn’t it...?”
“And if it ignited, that means you also poured in oil or something, right...?”
Hearing their questions, I went, Oh, I see! Got it. Sorry. I hadn’t explained enough.
“Hydrogen cyanide is flammable.”
“W-why would you use something like that...!?”
“You knew it would explode! Why would you do something so dangerous...!”
“Um, because when it burns out, it becomes harmless, so it’s perfect.”
“Unbelievable...!”
... The elves were trembling in fear. I see. Science is scary to you guys. Yeah. I kind of get it.
And while all that was going on, another explosion echoed. This time, the dungeon entrance didn’t blow apart anymore. Just tremors shaking the ground.
“With that explosion, the hydrogen cyanide should’ve turned into substances safe to touch... and the enemy is probably mostly dead by now...”
After all, inside this dungeon, you’ve got “things that breathe fire if they’re alive” and “substances that ignite if exposed to fire, and are poisonous even if they don’t explode” trapped together. So, well... if there are any living dragons, they’ll breathe fire and explode, and if there’s no explosion, then the poison already killed them... which makes confirming survival extremely easy.
“Well, let’s observe a bit more and see if there’s any movement, or if they even have room to move, and then decide what to do next.”
“Humans... come up with truly terrifying things...”
“Is it that bad? Hey, is it really that bad?”
I felt a bit unconvinced, but it seemed the elves were thoroughly terrified of us.
When I turned back to Mishisia-san and Lisas-san like, Is it really that scary?, both of them nodded with expressions like, Well... yeah. Oh. I see...?
While that was going on, Laperesiana-sama and the others returned.
“For the time being, we’ve slain all the dragons we spotted.”
“As expected of Laperesiana-sama!”
“Fufu, indeed, iron horses that move freely are quite splendid. Acceleration and deceleration at will. Minimal shaking. They were extremely easy to fight from. If only we’d had these in the previous war...”
I almost forget sometimes, but Laperesiana-sama is also, more than enough, a fantasy person... I mean, taking down dragons with a lance while riding a bike is just ridiculous...
Well, setting aside how absurd Laperesiana-sama and the Royal Third Knights Order are...
“So, how are things on your end?”
“Ah, probably fine. If there’s no movement after a bit longer, we’ll send in the slimes.”
As for me, I guided over the Giant-Ass Slime we’d brought along, squelch, squelch.
“You’re using slimes...?”
Watching this, the slime-loving big sister looked worried. This woman really does love slimes!
“Slimes can move even inside a dungeon that’s collapsed from explosions, and even if there’s still poison gas inside, they won’t take damage.”
But yes, this is where slimes shine. Because they’re slimes.
If you’re going through a collapsed cave, slimes that can squelch and wriggle through narrow gaps are extremely well suited. On top of that, for some reason, slimes aren’t affected by hydrogen cyanide, which makes them even more suitable.
… And as a bonus, slimes also aren’t affected by the carbon dioxide and nitrogen left behind after the hydrogen cyanide burns, so it’s safe. If a human went charging in there, there’d be a high chance they’d just die... Creatures that can live without oxygen are strong, huh.
“So, with that in mind, is it okay if our Giant-Ass Slime goes into the dungeon?”
“W-well, I suppose that’s fine...”
“I’ve told it to come back after checking the inside... Alright then, can you go take a look inside and come back? Yeah, yeah, thanks.”
… And so, I gave the Giant-Ass Slime the go-ahead and sent it squelching in through a gap where the dungeon entrance had collapsed.
Now we just had to trust it to handle things. Probably.
… An hour passed.
We spent that time skinning the dragons we’d killed (well, apparently they’re actually a breed called Lesser Dragons...) and dividing up the meat. These were apparently good materials, so humans and elves split them evenly.
… The elves had insisted, “They were in the elven forest, so they belong to the elves!” but Laperesiana-sama shut that down with a sharp “Enough,” and they quieted down. Good.
And then, while we were properly collecting the dragon materials...
“Oh! It’s back, it’s back!”
Squelch, the slime poked out from between the rubble. Welcome back.
I welcomed the Giant-Ass Slime and hugged it, squish... After hugging it, I suddenly remembered, Wait, if there’s hydrogen cyanide on its surface, that’d be bad, but it seemed to be fine. Man, that was close... Near miss, near miss.
“Alright, let’s see how things turned out...”
I peered into the Giant-Ass Slime.
I’d told it, “If there are any humans or elves, or anything that’s not a monster, dead inside the dungeon, bring back something that belonged to them.”
And what the Giant-Ass Slime brought back was...
“... Huh!? You brought this back!?”
… Nestled squishly inside the Giant-Ass Slime’s body was a necklace bearing the emblem of the Grand Cathedral.
And…
It was the Dungeon Master’s Bracelet.
What do you think about this chapter?
