It was probably a flag.
I pushed my brain into overdrive. I must not run away. I must not run away. I must not run away. I must not run away. I want to go home. I must not run away. I must not run away, I must not run away, I must not run away—I want to go home. I’ll eat Dan’s special dinner before going home. I’ll have Dirk heal me. I must not run away… Though I really, really want to escape from this painful reality.
It wasn’t necessarily the best move, but an idea struck me. I had no choice but to go with this! I clapped my hands together with a sharp *pan!* to grab everyone's attention.
“Everyone! Did you all enjoy the final performance?!”
After a dragon, dancing vegetables, and anime… with such elaborate acts, a cactus descending as a deity didn’t seem too far-fetched! But don’t realize that an actual god has possessed the cactus!!
“Well then, let us proceed with the wedding ceremony… the vow exchange, please!”
“Yes, let’s proceed.”
Dirk also judged that we should move on with the ceremony before anyone could question things. He agreed with me. Though the popes were still sneaking glances at the divine-possessed cacti, Poppo-chan, and Kurarin, they followed the plan and began the vow exchange. Since they were high-ranking clergy, they might have sensed something unusual about the divine-possessed cactus.
“… Goddess who governs love and magic—"
“Wait a moment. Love is Kurarin’s domain now. The unfortunate big-boobs lady only governs magic.”
“Who are you calling unfortunate big-boobs?!”
Mystia-possessed cactus reacted to Kurarin’s harsh words. I understood the sentiment, but I didn’t want things getting any more complicated, so I shut them up. Miss Cactus quieted down, intimidated by my killing intent and my kabaddi stance.
“Kurarin, I’ll have them adjust the wording, so just watch from the guest seats.”
“Okay~”
“If Poppo-chan won’t take off that perverted pigeon mask, go to your house.”
“Coo~ Fine, I suppose.”
Kurarin and the divine-possessed cacti moved to where my magic beasts were. The divine-possessed cacti didn’t stand out much, but Kurarin… she just looked like a small elderly man in drag about to be attacked by monsters. Meanwhile, Poppo-chan had turned into a finch and was perched on the altar. I nodded to the Pope of Magic, signaling them to continue.
“Then, Goddess of Magic, Mystia.”
“God of Knowledge, Ingens.”
“God of War, Slenght.”
“God of Technology, Shiva.”
(From now on, we shall conduct the vow exchange before our gods.)
A solemn silence fell over the hall. It was an incredibly sacred atmosphere, but I was distracted by my eyelashes still tangled in my veil and Kurarin’s reaction. Kurarin kept muttering, “But I’m the God of Love…” I was seriously worried she’d crash the ceremony or cause trouble!
“Groom, Dirk Burton.”
The Pope of War addressed him.
“In sickness and in health, do you vow to love and cherish this woman as your wife for the rest of your life?”
The Pope of Knowledge followed.
“I do. I… No, I, Dirk Burton, vow to love Rosarin for the rest of my life and to be happy together with her.”
Oh no. It’s my second wedding, but I’m incredibly happy. The word *together*—not just that he’ll devote himself to me, but that we’ll be happy *together*—that makes me unbelievably happy.
“Bride, Rosarin Rosenberg.”
“Yes.”
I was already officially a Burton, but since not everyone here knew that, I was using the Rosenberg name for the vows. I’d already gotten used to being a Burton, so it felt weird… but also made me happy. I responded to the Pope of Magic.
“In sickness and in health, do you vow to love and cherish this man as your husband for the rest of your life?”
The Pope of Technology continued.
“Yes, I do. I will cook for Dirk forever… and until death parts us, we will live happily together.”
“Then, the ceremonial kiss.”
Dirk gently lifted my veil. Finally, I freed my eyelashes. Noticing it too, Dirk gave a small chuckle before kissing me. The crowd erupted in cheers.
“Well then, sign the marriage certificate.”
Dirk and I signed in turn. The popes held up the certificate, and another wave of cheers followed.
“Lastly, the ring exchange.”
Thanks to Miss Butterfly making it a trend, engagement and wedding rings were now common practice in other countries as well. We exchanged rings, slipping them onto each other’s fingers. I remembered how, during our last wedding, Rosie-kun had been born at this exact moment.
This time, to prevent any incidents, we planned ahead so that Rosie-kun and Valkyrie would handle the ring exchange. There should have been no problems.
That overconfidence was our mistake.
At the moment of exchanging rings, the popes blessed our marriage. Their voices echoed solemnly through the quiet chapel.
(Now, a new couple is born. Blessings upon them!)
Then, Valkyrie and Rosie-kun soared into the air. There, shining brilliantly with divine wings—
Alright, folks, please cue “A Cruel Sabo Angel’s Thesis” for the background music.
I don’t know if this betrays any memories, but the divine-possessed cactus was glowing brighter than anyone else. Should I turn this into mythology? These foolish gods—no, these fool-gods!!
“Rosarin, congratulations on your marriage, Sabo!”
Thanks, Miss Cactus. I’d rather you just quietly watched, though, Sabo.
“A small gift, Sabo.”
Thanks, Strength Cactus. Yeah, but could you have done it when no one was watching, Sabo?
“Take this… Sabo…! Ugh, I accidentally said ‘Sabo’ again, Sabo…”
Genius Cactus… I don’t care, Sabo. You idiot, Sabo.
“Blessings upon our beloved child, Sabo!!”
Right now, the ones making me miserable are you all, Sabo!!
“Rosarin, congratulations! Thank you for the wonderful love!!”
Kurarin… transformed into Wedding Mode?! This is ultra-rare! She totally absorbed all the love from this wedding!! I took a deep breath.
“Bravo! Bravo, Kurarin!!”
“Kurarin, you look beautiful!!”
We showered Kurarin with praise and applause. Even Rinka was clapping for him.
“Thank you, Rosarin! Thank you, Rinka!! Happy shower for Rosarin—extra love!!”
Kurarin sent me a flood of hearts. Emotions from people who had unknowingly appreciated me, as well as those I knew well, flowed into me. Those feelings then flowed into Valkyrie and Rosie-kun.
(Blessings upon the hero who saved the world… Sabo!)
“Ah, ababababababa.”
“Rosie-kun?! Rosie-kun!!”
I was too stunned to be of any help, and Dirk called out desperately to Rosie-kun.
“Hmm, in that case, we should offer our blessings as well.”
Wait—no way, the Heavenly Fox stood up?! HEAVENLY FOX?! And now, following the Heavenly Fox, the Great Tengu, and even more Japanese deities started sending their power too?!
“M-Minato-san?! Katsuno-san?! Inari-san?! Even Komae-san?!”
By the way, Minato-san is a dragon (a water deity), Katsuno-san is a kappa, Inari-san is a fox deity, and Komae-san is a guardian dog. They’re not all gods, but they are closely connected to them—
… You know what? Never mind. I don’t care anymore!! What’s going to happen to my Valkyrie and Rosie-kun?!
“Rosarin… what’s going to happen to Rosie?”
Dirk looked like he was about to cry. I was about to cry too.
Sorry, perverted Sage. Even at a ridiculous level of absurdity, I don’t have the answer either.
The perverted Sage had turned completely pale, his eyes like dead fish.
… Wait, no, that old man was already white to begin with. (Escaping reality.)
What do you think about this chapter?
