Precisely Because I Know, I Hesitate
The morning after that night, just as he had declared, Lord Runken sent a maid to me.
Then I joined up with Lord Runken, and after discussing the matter of Nympée, we agreed to temporarily revoke Count Belnett’s territory.
The Count and Countess Belnett had no children—only Veronica.
Thus, it was decided to pass the title on to a relative. However, the next heir was a child not even ten years old.
Because of that, the peerage would be held in custody by the royal family for the time being.
The plan was to pass on the title once the next head came of age, and this was formally settled in the council as well.
"Purifying the lake… will take a fair amount of time. It should make for the perfect purification period until the next heir takes over."
Seeing Lord Runken say this so nonchalantly, a certain suspicion crossed my mind.
"Could it be… you orchestrated this?"
"Whatever do you mean?"
"You were the one who recommended the next heir, weren’t you? The House of Lords only approved your recommendation. …You nominated a young child to buy time, didn’t you?"
At my question, Lord Runken blinked in slight surprise. But then he gave a wry smile.
"That sounds rather sinister. I nominated that boy simply because he was the only one who met all the conditions—though… yes. I suppose buying time might have been part of it, too."
His soft laughter disarmed me, and all I could do was sigh and say, "I see…"
He laughs more than you’d expect.
And he’s cunning.
I always feel like I can’t quite read his mind, and I doubt I’ll ever fully understand what he’s thinking.
But perhaps, at his core, his thoughts are surprisingly simple.
And then… Lord Runken invited me.
To visit Nympée once more.
Officially, it was framed as an on-site investigation to assess the effects left behind by Count Belnett.
But it was obvious he was being considerate.
"Both you and I had to cut our long vacations short."
We were caught in unexpected trouble.
Instead of enjoying our time off, we had to run around solving problems.
So, he was offering this trip as a sort of compensation.
Because the invitation came after Lord Runken’s words the other day, I did hesitate a little.
But then he said—
"The cats of Nympée are waiting for you."
… And that sealed the deal.
I gave in. So easily, even I was amazed at myself.
No, but seriously…
(I never even got to cuddle the cats…!!!!)
Just as I was about to snuggle up to one, I met Lord Runken.
From there, we were swept up in trouble-solving, and I never even got the chance to touch a cat, let alone cuddle one.
Even though I had gone all the way to that cat island—no, Nympée!!
It was so frustrating, I wanted to bite my handkerchief in frustration.
Lord Runken’s words were simply too persuasive.
And in the end, unable to resist the allure of fluff, I ended up heading to Nympée once again with him.
(Besides… it’s a good chance to sort out my thoughts.)
About what lies ahead.
About Lord Runken’s proposal.
This vacation would likely become the time for me to come to a decision.
(… If I had returned to the castle, I would’ve done as Father said.)
I had planned to go along with the engagement Father arranged for me.
But now—I find myself hesitating.
"What do you want to do?"
That night, he had asked me that.
Until then, I would’ve taken his hand, just as the House of Lords suggested.
If remaining the Queen would benefit the kingdom, I would gladly have offered myself.
It wasn’t that I hated being queen.
I just couldn’t stand His Majesty anymore and wanted to cut ties with him.
To put it another way, if the man wasn’t Brian, I wouldn’t have cared how old he was, or how many mistresses he had, or what he looked like.
If it were someone new, I could build a new relationship.
I swore I’d rather die than start fresh with Brian.
But with someone else, that wasn’t the case.
And then—
I remembered what the Dowager Queen had said before I left the castle.
"In the end, I suppose I’m still stuck in that moment. Captive to the feelings I had back then."
I gently placed my hand over my chest.
I probably can’t forget either.
This bitter emotion… maybe I could call it a visceral rejection.
Because of it, I realized—I want to live my life.
…
"Please, don’t make your decision out of obligation or duty. Your position and title can come second. For now, please prioritize your own feelings."
I recalled Lord Runken’s words.
Why does he respect me so much?
(Is it because I know his secret?)
Because I saw it and didn’t go mad?
…
I quickly dismissed that doubt.
He had explained everything the other day, and questioning it now felt disrespectful to him.
(I still can’t fully believe it, but…)
Lord Runken must have been watching me all along.
Though he didn’t seem to know exactly when those feelings started.
With Brian, I felt a burning passion.
A desperate desire to give him everything.
But with Lord Runken… there was none of that.
I didn’t feel an overwhelming need to devote myself to him.
I just—
I know him well.
~~Read Chapter 44-48(end) on my Patreon~~
What do you think about this chapter?
