Chapter 167

The Princess’s Scheme
“Papa, I want a wyvern taxidermy mount!”

A wyvern taxidermy mount, huh? That’s certainly well-known. Even in Arland, there was a boom among nobles where they would display taxidermied wyverns they had personally hunted.

That was a terrible time. The nobles, thirsty for blood, hunted wyverns to the brink of extinction across the country.

At first, the mounts were all ragged and torn. They were just boasting about how hard it had been to take them down.

But noble pride made things worse. Gradually, the trend became about how to produce mounts with the least damage.

Poison wasn’t allowed. A fashion emerged insisting nobles should defeat them “head-on.”

People developed various techniques—piercing the heart in one strike, penetrating the skull and attacking the brain. And the wyverns dwindled.

Eventually, someone even suggested, “Let’s take down a Tyrant-class next!” That’s when the royal government had to step in with a “Are you trying to die?!” and put a stop to it.

Well, it’s not that weird. In Arland, goblins and orcs are so common that the Adventurers’ Guild doesn’t even post quests for the standard types anymore.

Even if someone tries to post a request, the Guild will scold them like, “You can take care of that yourself, don’t be lazy.” Unless it’s a group of at least ten goblins or orcs, it’s not worth putting up a request. That’s because there are just too many monster extermination jobs.

They don’t take low-profit jobs. Doing so would overwork the guild staff to death. There are just too many monsters in Arland—it can’t be helped.

Incidentally, there are collection quests and city errands available for low-ranked adventurers. Without those, they'd starve or become monster fodder. Collection quests are essential… Though truthfully, most of the materials are mass-produced in the Elven territories, there just aren’t enough of them. Lately, it’s trendy to grow herbs in home gardens to earn pocket money.

Anyway, I digress. I get why he wants one. But this situation…

“Yes, yes, I understand. Hey, village chief or whatever—present that to us at once.”

Yep, saw that coming.

“I’m terribly sorry. That doesn’t belong to us. Ownership lies with the adventurers who defeated it. I have no authority to decide...”

The village chief began desperately pleading that it was impossible. He seemed genuinely grateful to us. While groveling with all his might, he insisted it couldn’t be done. Then he was kicked by a bald knight.

Hmph. I know a curse that prevents hair from growing, but it doesn’t work on those already bald. I’ve already cast it on the lord too, so his hair has been falling out in tufts. I hate that guy. Go bald.

“How cruel…”

“You sure do ruthless stuff without batting an eye, Alice.”

“I hate people like that. He should be locked up in the Council.”

“Technically, the Noble Council isn’t a detention facility…”

No, it *is* a detention facility. It's full of orc-like nobles who don’t do their jobs and just cause trouble. Even the castle maids say it’s a quarantine zone.

Looks like I’ll have to tattle to the king. But in this situation...

“Hey, you lot. Were you the ones who defeated those wyverns?”

The bald knight strutted over arrogantly. When he saw us, he started grinning annoyingly. I’ve never received such a disgusting look in this life. (In my previous one, it happened quite a bit.)

Since I’m the leader, I stepped forward.

“I’m Hollow, of the B-rank party Woof-Meow Club. We’re the ones who defeated them.”

No reason to hide it.

But the knight looked past me at Helios and Alicia. Hey, I am the leader! And don’t give my maid those lewd eyes! Girls can sense that kind of look instantly!

“Hollow…”

The lord, now halfway to baldness, groaned. I ignored the villagers whose shoulders were twitching—understandable, since watching someone go from thick hair to a balding scalp right before your eyes is laughable. But if they laugh, who knows what’ll happen. I should’ve made the curse slower-acting. Oh well. There are no magicians here, and even if there were, my spell has countermeasures that make it undetectable. No evidence means no punishment.

The knights noticed something was off but said nothing. The son instinctively held his own head, turning pale. He must’ve sensed his future.

“Hmph, then present everything to Lord Uzal. You two, come with us.”

“I want her! She’s fine!”

Looks like he has a death wish. The son pointed to Anon. A genuine lolicon. I demand the death penalty.

And you, bald knight—you’re not worthy of Alicia. First, you must duel me and win. Then, give a lecture on magic and prove you're a superior magician to be considered her suitor.

As I was pondering how to handle this, I locked eyes with the village chief.

(Leave this to me. Please, escape while you can.)

I heard the village chief’s voice in my mind. He had already accepted his fate. Oh no. He’s seriously going to sacrifice himself.

I gave him a thumbs-up to say, “I leave it to you.” Ignoring his stunned expression, I turned to the bald knight.

“This is mine, so I won’t hand it over. Also, no thanks to being your playthings!”

I activated Quick Draw and slammed a black sphere into the ground. Black smoke engulfed us. It was a smoke bomb (black version).

“Open the Treasury and store it! And retrieve Anon’s gear!”

“Eh, ah!”

Anon’s equipment vanished instantly. It was all on loan anyway. To fully equip it again, she’d have to score high on the newly installed Alice-style basic knowledge test, or it stays in magical storage. Lending lowers the required score, but I don’t recommend it. Not this time, though.

If left unchecked, Anon would grow into a muscle-brained girl. But since she has zero interest in anything that doesn’t interest her, the ability to unlock her personal equipment based on her test scores should help motivate her to study.

Then, dozens of chains shot out from the treasury vault, dragging the wyvern corpse inside. In just a few seconds, it was sealed away.

When I blew away the smoke screen with wind magic—oh my, the wyvern had vanished!

“W-What?! Where did you hide *my* wyverns?!”

No, *our* wyverns. We’re converting it to money for Arland’s development. We plan to share a little with the village too.

“Hand power.”

I held my palm out toward Baron Uzal. You usually can’t fit a whole wyvern into a storage pouch, after all. Uzal and the knights looked thoroughly confused.

“And I clearly saw your illegal actions! My father will report to the king, and you’ll be severely punished. Nyehehe!”

“Papa, look closely—this girl’s from the Sheffield family! We’re in trouble!”

Finally noticed who Anon is, huh? You’re done. Off to the mines, you lolicon.

“Damn that Sheffield family…”

Baron Baldhead glared furiously at Anon.

“Our family’s tasked with protecting the royal fmaily, so we have a lot of enemies. That’s why I train with a sword—being kidnapped by surprise is routine.”

Sounds like her family has been doing all sorts of things behind the scenes for the royal family. Judging by Anon’s expression, she’s probably even helped deal with traitors. Not that she gives off the aura of someone who’s killed before. She’s more someone who’s protected.

You can tell when someone’s killed before—even someone like me who’s used to knights can feel it. That sharp, blade-like presence is unmistakable. It shocked me at first. We're good friends now, though.

Those kinds of people scare children at first glance, but they’re all fond of kids. Once they got used to talking to me, they really mellowed out—though they still turn into ogres during training.

“P-P-Papa! This is really bad!”

“C-Calm down! Luckily there are no guards. We’ll just act like the Sheffield girl was never here. You lot—seize them!”

Totally saw this coming. Crooked lords always follow the script—the TEMPLATE.

I used the fact that none of the lord’s guards were magicians to send mental messages to the others.

(Helios, they’re gonna try to kill us, so break away and retrieve the treasures from your nest.)

(Got it.)

Even without Helios, it’s fine. I instructed him to move both his personal treasure and the wyvern’s hoard to Arland. I don’t know how much there is, but the royal treasury will be full—only to be spent right away, of course.

(Anon, Alicia, let’s let ourselves get caught. It'll lead to a fun twist.)

(Then I’ll quietly request a rescue from the Ostland ambassador. He’ll love the extra work—we’ve got plenty of cards to play.)

Foreign-affairs nobles have been bored for years. They’ll be thrilled to have more work.

(Once the king finds out, he’ll blow his top and strip them of their titles ♪)

Right when we’re supposed to be saying “Yay, economic cooperation!”—if you illegally detain royalty from a cooperating nation, well… no need to spell it out.

This lord’s just too greedy. He’s muttering to himself that kidnapping Anon will give him leverage over her family—while grinning like a maniac.

We surrendered without resistance. Alicia and I were fitted with magic-suppressing collars, but mine deactivated the moment it touched me. Cheap stuff can’t handle my magic.

Helios, irritated, flung knights aside and walked out. I let Mr. Coote escape into the forest. He seemed hungry—he’ll probably hunt monsters while we wrap this up… Let’s hope the monsters don’t go extinct.

Then we were loaded onto a carriage, which was originally for collecting extra taxes, and sent to the capital. Feels like part of the military’s rotten too—normally we’d be stopped at the capital gates. Hey, King—time to do some housekeeping. I’m giving you the perfect excuse, so go for it.

I waved goodbye to the villagers as we left.

“Hey, that’s a nice item. Gimme!”

“My cushion! Nooo!”

Even my cushion was stolen by the knight coachman. Unforgivable.

“GYAAAAAAAHHHHH!!”

At the same time, a scream erupted from the lord’s carriage. Seems he just noticed… that he’s lost all his hair.

What do you think about this chapter?