At the Dungeon’s Behest, Howl, Elf*6
“Ugh…”
And so, the elves woke up.
The first thing the elves saw upon awakening was…
“Welcome to under ground.”
“Huh…?”
… Us, wearing gas masks.
I worked hard, you know, so that we could deal with elves however we wanted.
I properly sealed this place off as a single small room, and beyond one wall I’d already loaded all sorts of things, tear gas, liquid nitrogen, and more. With a single decision from me, I could dump all of it straight into this room! Chemical weapons really are the strongest!
“Now then, Mr. Elf… there’s a whole mountain of things I want to ask you. You mind?”
The elves glanced back and forth between us and their surrounding comrades, tension running across their faces. Well, yeah. Being stared down by unfamiliar kids in gas masks would be pretty terrifying. I get that. That’s exactly why we chose to dress like this!
“Of course, if possible, we’d prefer to talk things out peacefully. That’s why Mishisia-san went out first and suggested negotiations.”
I said that with a bit of deliberate self-righteousness. As expected, the elves pulled displeased expressions. But how long do you think you can keep making those faces!?
“You swatted away our hands and attacked us… and yet we’re still being generous. We still think it’s fine to negotiate peacefully.”
“Generous? From humans of all…”
“If you don’t talk nicely, I’ll shave off one finger joint’s worth of ear from the fool who stays silent, and the two next to them. Three ears total!”
… Mm-hmm.
It seems what Mishisia-san told me about “things elves hate” was accurate. The elves suddenly went quiet! Good, good!
… Well, if you think about it, even ordinary humans wouldn’t want their ears carved up, but still. Yeah…
To show that I was serious, I flashed a titanium knife. The elves grew visibly more tense. One of them even looked like he was about to cry. Don’t cry.
“Alright. Let’s start with you.”
So, first question goes to the elf who looks like he’s about to cry. Let’s have a nice chat!
“What we want to ask first is this: a ‘former Grand Cathedral priest’ from this country went to your side, right? Is that correct?”
I even made it an easy question, yes or no only. But the teary elf just froze. Oh dear, oh dear.
“Oh? Not feeling chatty?”
I raised the knife slightly, and the teary elf hurriedly nodded.
“S-so that means a ‘former Grand Cathedral priest’ did go to your people.”
“Yes! Yes!”
Got it. That was more or less what I expected anyway, so it’s good to have confirmation.
“Alright, next I’ll ask the one beside you. Why did you come to this village?”
“… Because that human priest claimed there was a World Tree in this village.”
The next elf was the quiet archer. He answered properly. Oh! This one might be reasonable!
“The World Tree is the pride of the elves. We cannot allow humans to defile it with petty lies.”
“I see. But you’re at least convinced now that the existence of a World Tree here wasn’t a lie, right?”
“… That, I cannot say.”
Makes sense. You’ve only seen Generic-kun so far, after all. Fair enough, he’s not wrong.
Yeah, talking to the quiet archer elf is way easier than talking to the teary one. Good, good.
“Alright, let’s move on to the next one.”
“W-Why should I speak with humans…”
… The next elf was the talkative archer, but this one’s kind of… yeah, well… never mind.
“If you don’t stop acting like ‘how dare mere humans defy us elves,’ I’m seriously going to carve your ears off.”
Since the one just before him seemed to have learning capacity, it makes you think maybe it’s fine to dispose of the one who doesn’t, right?
“Listen. I’m not saying you can’t think ‘mere humans.’ I’m just saying don’t show it. If that’s too hard, then I don’t need to be accommodating to someone I can’t communicate with. Got it? … And right now, don’t you think you need to communicate with us?”
I waved the knife again. The talkative archer elf fell silent. Talk. Come on.
“Once you confirm the World Tree, are you going to stop picking fights with this village? Is that all you wanted? Or if there really is a World Tree, are you going to say it’s unforgivable and burn it down?”
“… That is not something I can decide on my own.”
“Then just give me your personal opinion. I’ll treat it as unofficial, this won’t count as binding testimony. So?”
“… If there truly is a World Tree, then show it to us first.”
Ahh, okay. Then maybe we’ll show you the World Tree… after consulting with Mishisia-san. But I really don’t want it burned…
“I have something I want to ask as well.”
Just as I was thinking that, the female elf next to him spoke up. She had a staff, the one using interference magic. So she does intend to talk…?
“Sure. Go ahead.”
“What… is this cute creature?”
“Hm?”
The elf was pointing at Generic-kun, and the normal-sized slime bouncing gently on top of him.
“Uh, slime.”
“Slime… this is?”
“Yeah. If you put them in a bath and knead them a bit, they seem to turn into these calm slimes.”
“They glow like that when they eat the World Tree’s mana.”
As Mishisia-san joined in explaining, the elf listened quietly, her eyes sparkling. O-oh…?
“… Can I touch it?”
“Touch it.”
She replied instantly. Wow, you really like it that much?
So I picked up the normal-sized slime and pressed it against her cheek, squish…
“Hehe… ehehehehe…”
… She was rubbing her cheek against it while laughing. Rub rub, squish squish, intense cheek-rubbing. That’s a little scary.
Are all elves like this? I wondered, but when I looked around… the teary elf and the noisy archer both had faces like “uhhh…” Meanwhile, the leader elf and the quiet archer were completely expressionless.
So this is something opinions differ on even among elves…?
… And then, that elf, whose body below the neck was buried in slime, leaving only her head free, used that head with all her might to rub her cheeks against the slime.
“I love it.”
“I-I see… that’s… good for you…”
… It seems she awakened to a love of slimes. She looks so lively now. G-good for you… yeah…
Yeah…
“… You know, miss. This village is the only place in the world where you can bathe with slimes, massage them with scented oil, get massaged by them in return, and even sleep in the same bed with them.”
Thinking this might work, I whispered softly into the slime-loving elf’s ear. Her long elven ears twitched sharply.
“If this village is destroyed, all of that disappears, you know…? There’s nowhere else in the world where slimes are raised this gently and where hot springs and food are this well developed…”
Thinking one more push, I piled on the sales pitch, praying please let this work, and whispered…
“So, how about not destroying this village and dungeon?”
“Everyone. I believe this village should not be destroyed. No matter the reason, I will not take part in an attack on this village.”
… And with a radiant expression, the slime-loving elf made her declaration!
Is that okay!? Hey, is that really okay!? I know I’m the one saying it, but—miss! Are you sure!?
“You traitooooor! Have you no shameee!?”
“But it’s cute.”
“Aaaah this is why! This is exactly why I hate monster researchers!”
… As expected, the noisy archer and the staff elf who’d almost cried earlier exploded in anger. Yeah, betrayal by a comrade hurts. I get it…
“Cute…”
Meanwhile, the slime-loving elf started rubbing her cheeks against the Giant-Ass Slime restraining her. H-hey! The Giant-Ass Slime is confused! It’s receiving some kind of love it doesn’t understand and is very confused!
“… Well. It would indeed be unwise to destroy the village immediately.”
As everyone, including the slimes, was utterly baffled about what to do with this woman, the leader elf finally spoke.
“However, we must confirm the existence of the World Tree. It is the pride of the elves. Without confirming it, we cannot report back to our village.”
“Well, if Mishisia-san is okay with it, then fine… but I’ll ask anyway.”
Leaving the slime-loving lady aside, I moved the conversation along.
“If there really is a World Tree, what then? Are you going to burn it?”
“… We will report the existence of the World Tree to our village. We came here to confirm that the claim was a lie.”
Ahh, I see. So the elves came here looking for leverage against the former Grand Cathedral people. That explains things.
“Then after that, is there any chance you’ll attack? If there is, we can’t let you go back.”
Alright. This feels like the critical point. Standing tall in the tense air, I kept my composure. Even with a grade-schooler’s body, confidence can make you look the part. Probably. Hopefully.
“I think that is an excellent idea. I don’t mind not returning for the time being.”
“Would you shut up already!?”
… The slime-loving lady keeps trying to break the atmosphere, but the scary thing is that she sounds completely sincere. You’re incredible… I didn’t think elves like you existed…
“If you don’t let us return!? Hah! Did you think we hadn’t prepared for that? If we fail to return, the elves will act, to rescue our comrades unjustly treated and slain by humans!”
“Oh? The elves will invade?”
“Yes. That is the arrangement.”
The noisy archer said that boldly, while the leader elf wore a grim expression. Yeah… you should really teach your comrades when to shut up.
“I see. Then you’re no longer useful.”
… Because otherwise, this happens.
“W-Wait! Why…”
“Huh? Because if we don’t let you return, the elves invade, right? And even if we do let you return, you’ll probably go crying ‘the humans were mean to us!’ and get an army sent anyway. In that case, it’s better to reduce your forces by five right here. What are you even confused about…?”
Yes. My logic is flawless. Seriously, how did you not foresee this?
“If you don’t let us go, reinforcements will come!” is the same as saying “even if you kill us, reinforcements will come,” so that’s not a plea, it’s basically permission.
“I don’t believe you’d negotiate with your village in a way favorable to us. And judging by your attitude, you seem like the type who’d think ‘humans are annoying, let’s destroy the village’ just because. Of course we’d assume that much.”
The noisy archer glared at me like his teeth were about to grind, but hey, I can glare back.
“… Or can you provide something right now that overturns that assessment?”
… I know squeezing the noisy archer won’t get anything useful, so I turned straight to the leader elf.
“You seem more reasonable. You’re the one in charge, right?”
The leader elf clearly understood the gravity of the situation, his face tense.
“Give me your conclusion. Right now. Depending on it, I won’t kill you here.”
… Now then.
Let’s see how you respond to this threat.
What do you think about this chapter?
