Excuse Me for Intruding!*5
It’s an axolotl. An axolotl, I tell you. Right there in front of my eyes, there’s an axolotl.
But judging by the size, it’s not an axolotl. If we’re talking size alone, it’s about as big as a cat. A real axolotl doesn’t get this big!
And yet, the webbed hands, the squishy, soft body, the strangely vacant expression, those round little eyes… yeah, it’s basically an axolotl! Except for the size, it really does look like an axolotl!
“Eh…? Asuma-sama, what… is this…?”
“I don’t know… I mean, I can tell it looks like a freaking huge axolotl, but are axolotls terrestrial creatures…? Aren’t they supposed to live in water…? If that’s the case, then what is this thing…?”
“Umm… what’s an ‘axolotl’…?”
I don’t know! I’m not even that familiar with axolotls to begin with! I’ve only ever seen them briefly at an aquarium!
Ah!? If I saw them at an aquarium, then that means axolotls are aquatic creatures, right!? Then doesn’t that mean this thing isn’t an axolotl at all, but maybe a giant salamander!?
No good—! I don’t understand anything! Nothing at all—!
And yet, the confusion only deepened.
“Oh! This axolotl is dressed up! How cute!”
“Huh?”
As Mishisia-san said that, she casually lifted the axolotl up into her arms. The axolotl made a dissatisfied little sound, like “puaaa.”
… Wait, do axolotls even make noises?
“Look! Right here on its front leg!”
“… Huh?”
… At that point, I finally gave up on thinking.
Because, you see…
On that squishy little axolotl leg, there was, perfectly visible, a bracelet I recognized.
“… Huh!? If you look closely, it’s the same as Asuma-sama’s!”
“Matching…!? I’m matching with an axolotl…!?”
That’s right. In other words, it was the Bracelet of the Dungeon Master.
And it was attached to this axolotl.
“I see… so this thing is the dungeon master…”
“Ah~ ah~ Lisas-san, that’s too cruel! Don’t poke it, don’t poke it!”
“I-is that so? Okay… then I’ll stop…”
Now then.
And so, we were in the middle of a meeting.
The axolotl, having been picked up and settled onto Mishisia-san’s lap, was being squished and poked by Lisas-san, letting out a disgruntled “pwee” as it did so.
So it really does make noises, huh…
“… Asuma-sama. Is this thing a frog? Or a fish…? It’s not a dragon, is it…?”
“Uhh… yeah, well, it’s none of those… umm, maybe part of the giant salamander family? Or if it’s actually terrestrial, it might really be a giant salamander.”
“Hey, Asuma-sama, what’s a giant salamander?”
A giant salamander is… uh… what is it, exactly? Is there any way to describe a giant salamander other than just calling it a giant salamander? No, right?
… More importantly! I’m not that knowledgeable about either axolotls or giant salamanders! Aaaaaaah!
“So, this ‘upharupa’…”
“Ah, yeah, axolotl…”
“Uparuu…pa…?”
… Yeah. Let’s just go with “Uparupa.”
That’s right. This thing does look like an axolotl, but given the size, it’s definitely not one. You’re no longer an axolotl.
And so, declaring, “Axolotl!? What a fancy name! From today onward, your name is Uparupa!”, I named it Uparupa. Nice to meet you, Uparupa.
… Uparupa itself let out a slightly dissatisfied “puu,” but it was already too late. You are Uparupa now. You are Uparupa!
“So, this bracelet Uparupa’s wearing, it’s the same as mine. Look.”
“Ah… yeah. It’s the same. Even the inscription is identical.”
Exactly. This bracelet really is perfectly matching with mine.
> A dungeon is a mechanism that consumes all matter and converts it into mana.
> A dungeon is a mechanism that uses mana to produce all things.
> A dungeon seeks new mana and continues to function.
> A dungeon sleeps, yet does not perish.
… And after “A dungeon sleeps, yet does not perish,” it probably originally said, “A dungeon awaits its master.”
That part isn’t written on my bracelet anymore, though.
“As long as it’s wearing this bracelet, I think it’s safe to say that Uparupa is the master of this dungeon.”
“Eeeh… this little thing is the dungeon master…?”
Yeah. I get how Mishisia-san feels. Honestly, I feel the same way. I mean, it’s an axolotl. An axolotl being the dungeon master just feels… you know…
“Uh… Asuma-sama. I’m not very knowledgeable about Uparupa, but…”
“I’m not either.”
“… Is Uparupa an intelligent creature? I mean, intelligent enough to manage a dungeon and all that…?”
Yeah. That is the big question.
I’m a reasonably intelligent Homo sapiens, so I think I handle dungeon powers fairly well. At the very least, I’ve been doing all kinds of things with decomposition, absorption, and reconstruction, and I plan to keep doing so.
But… can this thing, standing there with a totally vacant “pokeee” expression, really do the same…!?
“… Um, you know? I don’t think this little one can handle anything very complicated…”
“Yeah. I think so too.”
I mean, just look at it, it’s an axolotl.
No, Uparupa. I agree with Mishisia-san. Uparupa definitely can’t do complicated things! There’s no way it understands things like elements or molecules, and I’m not even sure it’s capable of reconstruction in the first place!
Because—
“This dungeon looks extremely simple, no matter how you look at it…”
“Yeah… There are monsters, and the deeper you go, the denser the mana gets, and monsters appropriate to that level appear… that seems to be all there is to it…”
“More than that, I don't feel a single shred of intelligence from this thing! Just look at that spaced-out face!”
Our monster Uparupa, with its vacant expression, continued to let out a lazy “puaaa…” while we talked.
So carefree! I don’t even sense a will to survive!
… And yet, realizing that this utterly vacant, scatterbrained Uparupa was the dungeon master actually made things click for me.
“You know, even if I don’t intentionally produce slimes, they just come out of the dungeon on their own…”
“Ah, that’s right. Even if Asuma-sama doesn’t do anything, slimes still appear.”
Exactly. I’ve always thought of slimes as something that just naturally spawn in a dungeon.
So when I heard that other dungeons were packed with monsters, I wondered, ‘Am I weird for not consciously producing monsters!?’
But if the masters of other dungeons are also these kind of vacant, ‘upaa~’ ‘rupaa~’ creatures, then the explanation is simple.
“Uparupa probably just sits here doing nothing, too. But as long as there’s a dungeon and mana, monsters are probably born automatically.”
If monsters spawn automatically, then no matter how dumb the dungeon master is, the monsters will still get replenished.
The reason other dungeons have more monsters than the one in Panis Village might just be because I use up so much mana on other things there, leaving less surplus mana to turn into monsters. Probably. Maybe.
“So… does that mean that most other dungeons also end up being simple, monster-filled places because their dungeon masters are non-humanoid creatures like this…?”
“Yeah… that’s what it seems like…”
And so, the conclusion was this:
Because non-humanoid beings serve as dungeon masters, their dungeons can’t do anything complex and instead turn into places that mindlessly spawn monsters.
That’s why this world is full of monster-packed dungeons!
This must be the truth of dungeons in this world! No doubt about it! How underwhelming!
Having arrived at this rather disappointing truth about dungeons… well, then.
“… So that means asking Uparupa to increase slime production would be difficult, right…?”
Yeah. The reason we came to this dungeon in the first place was to see whether mass-producing slimes was possible.
And since the one in charge of producing slimes and other monsters turned out to be Uparupa, things kind of fell apart.
“Should we try anyway? Hey, Uparupa. Can you make more slimes?”
“Pwee.”
“I see… yeah, that might be a no.”
“Well, communication itself seems difficult…”
… Right. I knew it already, but still… communicating with Uparupa is rough. Really rough.
So, feeling rather dejected, we decided to just play with Uparupa instead.
Uparupa seemed to like the gift box of sweets we’d brought, one of those fancy ones with books full of ‘information’ packed into the bottom.
The information part seemed to get decomposed and absorbed by the dungeon almost immediately, and Uparupa itself happily munched away on the sweets: Panis Village’s increasingly famous brandy-filled baked goods.
… I wonder if axolotls are okay eating baked sweets. These are loaded with butter made from Mewmya milk, you know. And even if they’re baked, they still contain brandy. Is that really okay?
Well, Uparupa looked happy while munching away, so… it’s probably fine. Besides, it’s not an axolotl, it’s Uparupa. Its stomach is probably sturdy.
“Uparupa is kind of cute. I wonder if all dungeon masters are like Uparupa.”
“If that’s the case, wouldn’t it raise the question of why I alone am human?”
“… Asuma-sama, could it be that you’re actually Uparupa too?”
“I really hope that’s not the case.”
What would we do if I were Uparupa? That’s terrifying. Just thinking about it is scary. Stop, stop.
“Not all dungeon masters are probably Uparupa, but it does seem like many of them aren’t human… Dogs, cats, rabbits, that sort of thing.”
According to Lisas-san, most dungeons are just “monsters appear, and they get stronger the deeper you go.”
Even dungeons with traps apparently don’t have anything as advanced as the ones in Panis Village.
Which suggests that most dungeon masters are probably something other than humans. Yeah. That much is fine.
“… But I think there are human ones, too.”
“Huh?”
The place I want to focus on is somewhere we all know.
“The gold mine dungeon in the royal capital. There’s no way that wasn’t shaped by a humanoid, or someone very close to one.”
“Ahh… yeah, you’re right. That dungeon is really strange… There’s no way Uparupa made that!”
“Even if it’s not humanoid, it’s probably something we can communicate with!”
Right. Thinking back, that dungeon really was unusual.
And when I thought about where that sense of oddness came from… I landed on the idea that it was the difference in dungeon masters.
Even if it wasn’t humanoid, it was sophisticated enough that communication might be possible. And if we can communicate, then asking for increased slime production might actually work!
“Then let’s go check it out! The gold mine dungeon!”
“Yeah! Let’s go!”
… Looks like we have no choice but to go to the gold mine dungeon!
“By the way, what are we going to do about Uparupa?”
“Eeh… umm, let’s just leave it here.”
… We can’t exactly take another dungeon’s master home with us, so we decided to let Uparupa stay here.
Uparupa let out a “pwee.”
Still no idea what it’s trying to say… Well, please live a long and healthy life…
What do you think about this chapter?
