Hospitality! The Dungeon Village*5
So, that night.
“Oh, here they come.”
“Assassins!?”
“Sure looks like it.”
I sensed the presence of “intruders,” so I focused on it a bit. Sure enough, two people were sneaking along, trying real hard not to be noticed.
“Then we must hurry to Princess Laperesiana at once…!”
“Whoa, whoa, calm down, Lisas-san.”
I didn’t panic. I kept my eyes fixed on the intruders while holding onto Lisas’s sleeve so he wouldn’t rush off.
“It’s fine. There’re two assassins, but neither one’s getting inside the inn.”
“Locked doors? But they’re agents of the Second Prince, aren’t they? They could break a window.”
“Nope. That won’t work either.”
To calm him down, I decided to explain the situation at the inn.
“The place is stuffed with slimes.”
“… What?”
“The place is stuffed with slimes.”
I said it twice because it was important. Lisas probably had a blank look on his face. Can’t tell, though—I’m still watching the assassins.
“So yeah, they tried unlocking the door to sneak in, but when they opened it, the doorway was jam-packed with slimes, so they gave up.”
“What…?”
“Oh, now they’re heading for the window! Too bad, fellas! Should’ve seen that coming! ‘Cause guess what—yep, that’s stuffed full toooo!”
“W–wait, Asuma-sama… what in the world is going on!?”
Now Lisas grabbed my shoulder in confusion. He couldn’t see what I was seeing, so I explained simply:
“I filled every nook and cranny of the inn with slimes.”
“So you’ve… sealed Princess Laperesiana inside!?”
“Yep!”
An impenetrable inn! The kind where you can’t get in or out because it’s packed solid with slimes! Perfect security!
There were two main reasons for this plan.
First, I wanted to protect Princess Laperesiana by securing the inn.
I figured the knights inside were keeping watch, but they need rest too. And considering their health problems, I didn’t want to put any extra strain on them—or risk them being attacked by assassins they couldn’t stop.
So, I thought: “Then why not just seal Princess Laperesiana inside instead?” Genius, right?
That said, if I only wanted to block her in, I didn’t have to use slimes.
But the reason I did was simple.
“Slimes are all squishy and bouncy, right? They absorb vibrations and sound.”
“Soundproofing…?”
“Yep. Because it’s gonna get loud outside.”
… And that’s the reason it had to be slimes.
“I’m paying the adventurers to drink and party around the inn all night.”
“Why!?”
Since the halls are also filled with slimes, the noise won’t bother anyone inside. The slimes absorb sound and guarantee a peaceful sleep for the Third Knights Order. Perfect!
By the way, I’m the one providing the drinks—homemade ethanol mixed with tomato juice. Kind of like a Bloody Mary variant. If it’s a hit, maybe I’ll sell it as a Panis Village specialty.
“Anyway, tonight’s goal is for Princess Laperesiana and the Third Knights Order to sleep soundly and rest up. They’ve been living on edge with all these assassination attempts—it’s gotta be exhausting.”
Sure, the main point of this was to protect her, but if I could help them actually relax for once, that’s even better. Hence, the slime fortress.
“And the second goal tonight is to make the assassins think, ‘Yeah, there’s no way we can pull off a hit in this village.’”
“In this… village?”
“Yep. We can’t let an assassination happen here. That’d just give them an excuse to crush the village.”
So while protecting Princess Laperesiana, I also had to protect Panis Village.
… Because if anything happened to her, they’d probably pin it on the village.
They’d bring in some untraceable assassin, and then claim, “The killer was a villager from Panis!” or something. Can’t let that happen.
“Plus, this ‘village’ isn’t officially classified as a dungeon, so it’s not ideal for a battle.”
“That’s… true, yes.”
“But we can’t just sit and do nothing, right?”
See? When I said that, Lisas went quiet. He wanted to agree but couldn’t, because of his position. Me? I didn’t care about that sort of thing.
“Even if we stop this one, the assassins won’t give up until the succession crisis settles down. That’s way too cruel.”
Right now, Princess Laperesiana’s staying in Panis Village, which means she’s in my territory—under my protection.
But once she leaves, the danger’ll follow her.
… So I figured—if I could end it all here and now, why not?
“That’s why I’m gonna lure them into the ‘Dungeon’—the caves—and solve the problem at its root.”
“Princess Laperesiana and her people won’t have to do anything. They’ll just inspect the dungeon, and then the dungeon’ll take care of the rest.”
“Are you sure about this, Asuma-sama…?”
“Yeah. I want to do this.”
So, thinking “Guess I’m pulling an all-nighter,” I started listing what I’d need to prepare.
The area around the inn was packed with cheerful, drunk adventurers making noise. The two assassins, still under my watch, hesitated for a while before giving up and retreating. Reasonable choice—no need to push their luck tonight.
For the inn’s direct protection, I’d asked Mishisia to handle it.
She’s not a public figure like Lisas, and she’s great at staying hidden. Plus, with her bow, she can deal with threats quietly and from a distance.
She said, “That’s my specialty! Leave it to me!” Reliable as ever.
… Meanwhile, I was busy with something else.
“World Tree Potion—Returns!”
“Y–you’re just making more like it’s nothing!?”
“It’s fine! They’re not taking any home anyway! And besides, this is all we’ve got, so I can’t afford to hold back!”
I was brewing up more World Tree Potion—the same stuff that healed Lisas’s arm and eye. Yep. Mixing away. No hesitation.
“I mean, come on! This is the only real fix we’ve got!”
If we want to truly solve the problem of Princess Laperesiana being constantly targeted, there are only a few real options: the First or Second Prince ascends the throne already, she marries out quickly, or the Second Prince’s faction gives up trying to kill her. None of which I can do anything about.
So the next best thing? Give her absurdly strong bodyguards.
“That’s pretty much all I can do—either hide her in the dungeon forever, or make her personal guards insanely powerful.”
“… That’s true.”
“And if the Third Knights Order were all fully healed and in fighting shape again, then she’d always have a full squad guarding her, right? But they’re all injured and can’t move much—which, honestly, was probably arranged that way on purpose.”
Maybe Princess Laperesiana herself chose this unit to give disabled veterans work. That seems like something she’d do.
But if not—then yeah, that’s a nasty bit of political manipulation to make her easier to kill.
Fortunately, the knights seemed loyal and noble. I could tell. They were Lisas’s old comrades, after all—good men.
So…
“If we heal all the Third Knights Order’s injuries, Princess Laperesiana will basically have a full, battle-ready guard unit with her at all times!”
“That… actually makes perfect sense! With that, she could fend off any ambush!”
“And if they capture the attacker alive, they can interrogate them and trace the mastermind!”
Exactly! That’s the true path to solving this for good! That’s why I’m brewing these potions like mad!
“… By the way, Lisas-san.”
After finishing another batch, I glanced over at him.
“Do you think Princess Laperesiana has someone she likes?”
“Huh!? W–why do you ask!?”
“Well, see… with my plan, she’s kinda gonna be, uh… way easier to marry off…”
Yeah. That’s the one possible problem with this strategy.
I hope it’s fine… Eh, I’ll just say it is.
What do you think about this chapter?
